Pursuer-distancer relationship dynamics occur in all types of relationships - lovers, siblings, and friendships - but why? What does the pursuer need that the distancer senses and makes them RUN?! The pursuer (one who’s chasing) needs to take a deep breath and stop for a moment and ask themselves, “What is it I am asking the other do do for me that I cannot do for myself?” Each of us is responsible for our own emotional well-being. It’s a fairytale to think someone else can fulfill us all the time in every way. It is our responsibility to do our own inner work and become emotionally self-reliant.
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Disclaimer: Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only. Any advice offered is never intented to substitute proffessional help.
1 comment so far ↓
I have to take exception to the advice given here…. The guy needs to work out what HE needs from the relationship?
Gimme a break…. his WIFE wants to see other people, and all he wants is for her to live up to the vows they presumably took, including something along the lines of forsaking others.
It’s made to sound like he’s the one with the problem, and has to fix it…. and whilst I don’t doubt there’s likely something there he can do for himself, to basically ignore the fact that his wife wants an open relationship, and he doesn’t seems, well, odd would be a good place to start. Surely she needs to look at herself, and they need to work this out TOGETHER?
But in the end, if she wants it and he doesn’t, he’ll either have to come to terms with condoning a cheating wife, or filing for divorce.
I hope he can work it out, but I’m not holding my breath.
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