Entries from May 2008 ↓

This recent episode of surgery to remove a possible cancer recurrence makes me examine my life and where my time and energy goes.  I have my own bucket list of things I want to accomplish before I kick it.  Although I had cancer 8 years ago, the enthusiasm for “living every day as if it’s your last” well, doesn’t last - at least for me.  I did well for a while and completed several things.  I finished graduate school, my writings were published several times, and I delved deeper into my spirituality. 

Now it’s time to create a new list.  I want to learn to play classical piano, and maybe even guitar - I have a gift for music, and haven’t taken all that seriously, but I’m ready.  I want to fly again.  I learned how to fly in the high dessert of CA and reached solo status.  I quit when money ran out, and later my brother was killed in a plane crash… but living close to a community airport and seeing and hearing the small planes, either Cessna’s, or a Piper Cub, and especially open cockpit bi-planes with their big radial engines makes my heart race.  I don’t desire to learn aerobatics like before, now I just want to buzz the neighbors… : )

Thanks for sharing this journey with me.  I’d enjoy hearing what’s on your bucket list!  Please email me, or call:  678-884-0524.  Namste~

So many listeners have offered up lovely words of encouragement .  Your messages are routed to my personal email and when I read them, my heart skips a little at your tender expressions of support.  My upcoming surgery and possible cancer recurrence bring paradoxical feelings.  That is, part of me wants to go inward and carry my private thoughts.  Yet this other part of me must write.  The only way I can overcome my tendency for privacy is to imagine that I’m writing to a trusted friend.  Otherwise my vulnerable, critical self will hit the delete button. 

As a Jungian Therapist, I recognize that my need to write validates C.G. Jung’s “witness” theory.  We need another/s to witness our journey…  that’s why therapy is so healing.  Even if it’s just one person, holding the sacred space and bearing witness to our suffering without judgement promotes healing at the very depth of our psyche.  Right now I must write.  It’s as if some enormous internal energy needs a voice.  So fasten your seat-belts because I am about to disclose my most personal and intimate feelings of being a cancer patient… Continue reading →

Muhammad Ali was with me during a challenging time in my life.  He hung out in my hospital room after I had cancer surgery.  Nope, I was not hallucinating from the drugs.  He visited me daily and told me jokes.  My multiple layers of 150 staples and sutchers holding my 13″ incision together made laughing painful.  But, between the morphine and Muhammad I did.  Muhammad’s grace and charisma transcend his Parkinsonian symptoms.   Muhammad and I were the only two patients on the floor.  When I was finally forced to get out of bed and walk down the hall, I prayed my bare bottom was not in full bloom!  He never mentioned it… 

Muhammad’s visits encouraged and inspired me.  His strength gave me strength.  Between his trembling hands and shuffled gate I felt such compassion for his physical state.  But, the oxymoron to his diminishing physical health was his eyes.  Oh, his eyes were dark, intimidating pools of power.  Muhammad’s eyes held such intelligence and strength that I felt very, very vulnerable on many levels.  His eyes seared right into mine without hesitation or apology.  He missed nothing.  This man could quickly size up his opponent and act without fear.  Yet, there he stood, next to my bed telling me jokes.  I wish I could remember them.  His delightful humor made me forget my sense of feeling emotional naked.  We easily laughed with each other.  Continue reading →