By: Suzanne Maiden
I have a confession: When I hate my hair - I hate my life. It’s embarrassingly shallow, I know. And I may as well be walking around naked for all to assess my body – because psychologically that’s how I feel. But, it’s my truth - exposed. And, I don’t think I am alone. I wonder how much money is spent on hair care each year in this country? I’m not the only one either.
Europeans are just as vain and even more expressive. I’m certain. That is, Europeans adapt a chameleon’s attitude. They don’t mind going to extreme colors or styles to adapt to their environment or be a wild spark of color amongst it. It’s the psychology of hair. What is it about the abundance, or lack of… the texture, the color, and the style of dead cells that spurt from our scalp each month that governs our emotional well-being? Who knows? It certainly could meet the diagnostic criteria for neurosis. I admit, I have a long-term difficult relationship with my unruly curls. Because they insist on expressing themselves contrary to my wishes.
How can something as benign as hair impact my attitude? It’s ridiculous. It’s shallow. It’s narcissistic. My thoughts must be no deeper than a puddle after a Georgia summer rain during the drought. However, the Bible makes numerous references to hair - thank goodness - I can blame it all on God. What’s the first story one thinks of? Yes, Samson and Delilah. Samson’s hair equated to his physical strength. When Delilah, in an act of betrayal, had Samson’s hair cut off while he was sleeping - his extraordinary strength vanished. This story brought increased consciousness to our hair. Hair care was born!
Our language supports our over identification with hair. Clichés like, “Her hair is her crowning glory.” Interestingly, hair does surround the crown chakra, well, if one believes in such things. No matter, when I have a ’bad hair day’ everything else seems to follow suit. When my frizz factor pegs the Richter scale - even with products - my attitude escalates too. For some reason, people seem to especially enjoy critiquing my mane. I wear my hair naturally curly. I’ve given up trying to flat iron my curls - it only last for a few hours anyway and it is very damaging. Occasionally, I get reinforcement for sustaining my natural state. One woman chased me down in a parking lot to inquire who cuts my hair, how is it cut, and what products do I use because she “loved it.” I do receive many compliments. People act bi-polar when expressing their opinion about my hair. They either love it or hate it.
Conversely, others seem to dismiss their societal manners and feel free to comment on my hair’s unruly appearance. Just this week, an older man spoke to me at the gym. I saw him looking at me, then he finally approached and said, “Wow, I just can’t quit looking at your hair - it’s uh, really wild.” I smiled and responded, “Well, is that good or bad?” He wasn’t sure. He back peddled and with a smile said, ”Uh, I don’t know you well enough to asses that yet.” Huh?
I know I’m not alone. Please tell me I am not. OK, OK, Okay! I have evidence that I’m not. Enter any ladies room (well, if you’re male, I don’t recommend this…) and you will witness women lined up in front of the mirrors. What do they primp the most? Their hair. Yep. I’ve seen my girlfriends carry HUGE (could be listed as a deadly weapon!) bottles of hair spray, clips, waxes, and serums all to coax, fuss and fret over every strand. I don’t carry all this stuff, but I get caught up in snagging some of their products as long as they have them out and available. Call me with your hair care issues at at 678-884-0524. Tell me I’m not alone… I need some support. Because, when I hate my hair, I hate my life! Do you ever feel this way? Does the appearance of your hair influence, positively, or negatively your attitude? Call me.
8 comments ↓
I hate my hair I hate myself. I have tried everything. I have long hair, I tried to cut it super shot, things got worse… I grew it long again, and it still sucks. I have tried every styling technique and every cheap and expensive product out there. I still buy crap, but nothing helps. My hair looks the same no matter what… and I HATE it. Thin, limp, lifeless, straight, boring. Same day after day after day. So depressing. I hate my hair I hate my life.
I cut my own hair almost to my ears. So ugly.. please don’t cut your own hair girls!
Ure not alone.. i dont look pretty to start with and somehow each time i go to the barber’s, i end up looking even worse than before. my hair is way too short and uneven and i look like an idiot literally I HATE MY HAIR. its the only thing that can frustrate me more then anything else and argh i can see the look on people’s face when they talk to me and all!
I have to agree. When I hate my hair I hate my life. Right now I am hating my life like you would not believe. I have ugliest short hair cut right now. I have lost my confidence. I tell my friends that ever since I lost my hair I lost my mojo. Guys don’t even flirt with me anymore or even give me a second look. I don’t get tips at work like I use too. i keep telling myself that when my hair grows back and I look god again I will start enjoying my life again.
Hey Breann - what a real comment you posted. Why did you cut your hair off? It sounds like your confidence is really impacted… I’m wondering if the guys aren’t hitting on you like before because of the nonverbal ques you may be putting out there, like lack of confidence? Just a thought. Did you notice your typo? You wrote “…when my hair grows back I look god [good] again…” You wrote god vs. good! What an interesting slip of the tongue. What part of you felt like a god or goddess with longer hair? Just something interesting to ponder. Thanks for sharing!
I have thickish wavy hair with wavy “bumps” ALL over and also i hate myself its depressing who ever has thin straight limp flat hair and wants this hair TAKE IT! :). we’ll trade. The only thing i would never change about my hair is the color!
Beth i would LOVE to have your hair type!!!!
LOL. I too suffer from this very same dilemma! Just this past summer I had a brief episode of depression and anxiety and in retrospect felt as though I needed a new hairdo. Well before my crisis struck I had actually been growing my hair out for the past 2 years and it was finally at a long, sexy length and of course as I was not in a clear state of mind…..I chopped it all off! When I looked in the mirror I was too depressed to even care that it happened to be a really ugly style on me. It was just a simple bob, but the bob do just totally does not mesh with my personal style so to speak….Well flash foward! It’s now been about 9 months since the depression episode and my hair is in this awkward-growing-out-layered-always-in-a-pony-tail stage. And consequently (just like the rest of you) I am kinda bummed when I see my hair in the mirror…I’m pretty sure the reason we tend get so unhappy and or frustrated with ugly/short hair is because it takes so long to grow out! On average human hair grows about 6 inches a year….so if you just snipped your locks to chin status, you’re probably looking at about 2 years before your hair reaches that NICE, lengthy length. So if EVER you have a life crisis or any major life change, DO NOT cut your hair (if you’ve never done so before) in an attempt to have a new fresh outlook… instead buy some new make-up or join a gym! Whatever you do, just make sure you keep all scissors away from those lush locks! Now I’m not saying short hair is a bad thing, but for the majority of women, longer is better. There are those few and far in between who can totally pull off short do’s and still sizzle with sex appeal and usually those women have attitude and nice, square jaw lines. Now for the rest of us who have fallen into a short hair rut by accident, keep hope….for there is light at the end of the tunnel…the light may be 2 years away, but it’s still there! In the mean time (if you haven’t already) join a gym, or surf youtube for short hair styling ideas. As hair is growing out it can look really cute with subtle waves or even completely sleeked out with a straight iron…even subtle highlights could give you a needed boost!
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