Entries Tagged 'Friends' ↓

Marion from WI left a vm.  Marion was told by a trusted friend that another friend’s kid is involved in high risk behaviors.  What should she do?  If you want to listen to my podcast, click to the left of this screen and play.

Dear Marion:

1) Ask yourself what is your goal?  Once you define your goal, it shapes your course of action.

2) If your goal is to intervene on the kid’s behalf - you will probably disclose to the parent.

3) Before you tell the parents you should ask parent, “If I know something about one of your kids/family members that’s potentially dangerous to them, would you want to know?” Most parents say “yes.” 

4) Pick a time that the parent will have time to process information, e.g., they’re not on the way to work, or other commitment.

5) Remind the parent that you trust your source - and your goal is to intervene so the kid stops whatever high risk behavior/s they are doing.

6) You have to realize not all parents will be receptive to your information.  Your disclosure may cost you the friendship - is that OK?

7) After you disclose to the parent ask how you can help, for example, if it’s substance abuse you can easily get a 10-panel UDS (urine drug screen) that tests for 10 major drug categories.  Your family physician may have them, or you can order on-line.  They’re inexpensive, easy to use and accurate.

Lastly, sometimes doing the right thing is difficult.  I applaud you, Marion, for caring enough to think this through thoroughly.  Good Luck! 

 

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Amanda from IL left a vm and expressed frustration with her girlfriend - but acknowledged, ”I know it’s me.”  Anytime we get a zing from someone - stop, go to the nearest mirror, and look at your reflection.  It’s nearly always a projection.  What characteristics does that person carry that you either deny in yourself, or feel too inferior to own?  It’s normal, you’re human, and - we all do it!  Projection is a gift, because it allows us to see what we most need to integrate into our own psyche.  It’s all good. 

I prefer voice mails because it makes the show more interesting, but emails are great too. Listen and leave me a voice mail!

*Talk To Me!  Call me: 678-884-0524, or Listen by cell phone: 1-801-823-1125 

Email me:  Zanny@DearZanny.com.  Do you need relationship advice?  Call Zanny. Let’s talk!  Help make this show more interesting by leaving a voice mail.  

*Disclaimer:  Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only.  Any advice suggestions are never intented to substitute proffessional help.  For legal reasons, I will not answer e-mails directly but will use them on a future show so listen and subscribe to have DZ automagically delivered to you.

 

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How far do we go for our friends?  What are the boundaries when we’ve had life long buddies?  Yikes, always a tough one.  I believe in loyalty to a fault with friends, and covering “their six” in most situations - except when kids are involved.  Listen to Beth’s dilema as to whether or not she should testify in court for her friend when she knows her friend has lied…

I prefer voice mails because it makes the show more interesting, but emails are great too. Listen and leave me a voice mail!

*Talk To Me!  Call me: 678-884-0524, or Listen by cell phone: 1-801-823-1125 

Email me:  Zanny@DearZanny.com.  Do you need relationship advice?  Call Zanny. Let’s talk!  Help make this show more interesting by leaving a voice mail.  

*Disclaimer:  Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only.  Any advice suggestions are never intented to substitute proffessional help.  For legal reasons, I will not answer e-mails directly but will use them on a future show so listen and subscribe to have DZ automagically delivered to you.

 

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EMAIL: Beth wrote: 

I love your new podcast!! I heard about it from the Diva Cast and thought I would have a listen.  Well today at work, I caught up on all your episodes (Dear Zanny). I can correlate some of your advice to other events in my life (the cat and mouse and projection of your own feelings of yourself onto other), so I thought I would e-mail with my current dilemma.I have a close friend of 20+ years (since grade school) who is going through a very nasty divorce and custody battle. She has lied about a lot of things (to avoid visitation, etc), done things that I don’t agree with her other children, had her boyfriend move in with us and more…We were roommates (her, me and a total of 7 kids, OY!) and we had a falling out about a bunch of stuff and decided to not extend our lease. 

Well, when I moved out, someone told the custody evaluator that I moved because her boyfriend moved in (which she tells the courts he is not living there, and not her bf),  and that I was frightened for my kids life…. Which is one of the major factors they are considering and now suggesting full custody go to the Dad. Continue reading →

So many listeners have offered up lovely words of encouragement .  Your messages are routed to my personal email and when I read them, my heart skips a little at your tender expressions of support.  My upcoming surgery and possible cancer recurrence bring paradoxical feelings.  That is, part of me wants to go inward and carry my private thoughts.  Yet this other part of me must write.  The only way I can overcome my tendency for privacy is to imagine that I’m writing to a trusted friend.  Otherwise my vulnerable, critical self will hit the delete button. 

As a Jungian Therapist, I recognize that my need to write validates C.G. Jung’s “witness” theory.  We need another/s to witness our journey…  that’s why therapy is so healing.  Even if it’s just one person, holding the sacred space and bearing witness to our suffering without judgement promotes healing at the very depth of our psyche.  Right now I must write.  It’s as if some enormous internal energy needs a voice.  So fasten your seat-belts because I am about to disclose my most personal and intimate feelings of being a cancer patient… Continue reading →

Eckhart Tolle’s new book, A New Earth, is wreaking havoc with some conservative Christians - some of whom are my friends.  I purchased the book on my return trip from Aruba.  I devoured Tolle’s book in the 3.5 hour flight.  I underlined, starred, and made marginalia notes.  I felt elated seeing Tolle’s very well-written thoughts regarding Ego, being present, and one’s life purpose.  Tolle quotes many great minds including C.G. Jung, and Christ.  What a gift Tolle gave to the planet!

I was excited to share this book with my friends.  So I did.  I feel sad to see so much resistance to this literature.  It smacks of antiquated and arrogant censorship - cloaked in Christianity.  What, please educate me, is wrong with reading, discussing, boisterously-but-respectfully sharing differences of thought?  Doesn’t mindful contemplation serve to expand knowledge and either confirm or change one’s opinion?  How can we grow as spiritual beings if we don’t explore other perspectives?  Some myopic Christians actually think Tolle’s book is the work of the anti-Christ!  God help us.

I for one, consciously choose to remain open to many paths.  I identity myself as a Christian, because I do believe Christ was the Messiah.  BUT, I also integrate many other religions into my way of viewing the world - such as Eastern philosophies.   

I don’t ask you to love Tolle’s book the way I do.  I ask that tolerance prevail, and we not be so quick to discount such work because it doesn’t fit in within our spiritual box.  It’s time to take off the lid and expand our consciousness - or at least tolerate others who do. 

How many times have you angrily erupted and the recipient looks at you like you’ve just grown two heads?  What’s up with that?  This displaced anger or “over reaction” is nearly always a sign that your emotional tank is too full.  Sometimes if your erupt at someone, it doesn’t have anything to do with them specifically - that is when your feelings/anger is “displaced.”  Other times, the person you spew verbal vomit has just ticked you off for the laaaaaaaasssst time!  Maybe their comment was innocent, but it held just enough toxic energy to trigger you - like the match to the powder keg. 

 This is when you need to step back and self-examine why your emotional barometer is pegged to the max.  We all do it, have done it, and (I for sure) will end up doing it again.  It’s definitely time for emotional introspection so you can address the real cause of your anger.