Entries Tagged 'Self Care' ↓

I wrote my thesis on SIB (Self Injurious Behavior) - it’s a topic close to my heart.  No, I’ve never been a “cutter.” But I love someone who engages in this behavior.  Cutters are on the increase.  I am a Family Therapist and 90% of my adolescent clients currently cut, or have experimented with it.  Yep.  What do they look like?  They look like kids you would see at your local coffee shop.  They are “A” students, varsity sport players, church youth leaders, and high achievers.  They typically abstain from recreational drug use.  So, WHY?  Why do these seemingly all-American kids cut themselves?

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How many times have you angrily erupted and the recipient looks at you like you’ve just grown two heads?  What’s up with that?  This displaced anger or “over reaction” is nearly always a sign that your emotional tank is too full.  Sometimes if your erupt at someone, it doesn’t have anything to do with them specifically - that is when your feelings/anger is “displaced.”  Other times, the person you spew verbal vomit has just ticked you off for the laaaaaaaasssst time!  Maybe their comment was innocent, but it held just enough toxic energy to trigger you - like the match to the powder keg. 

 This is when you need to step back and self-examine why your emotional barometer is pegged to the max.  We all do it, have done it, and (I for sure) will end up doing it again.  It’s definitely time for emotional introspection so you can address the real cause of your anger. 

It is Easter morning - a day Christians observe Christ’s resurrection.  Many families around the world will be together.  Some people are eager and willing while others join their family of origin with tense trepidation.  If you experience increasing anxiety over family get-togethers, you are normal. 

Most families have some level of dysfunctional behaviors and long standing patterns which nobody challenges.  As adult children returning to the nest, we often revert back to being the child and engaging in the same neurotic behaviors and feeling like we are adolescents - or younger.  How do you cope with a forced family function?  Have a game plan before you go. Continue reading →

I went to the gym this morning.  Yep, I did the 10:30 a.m. centergery class with some of my girlfriends.  I noticed a woman in front of me.  She had lovely legs.  Since I’m nearly 47 years-old, my legs certainly aren’t what they used to be!  I only wish I would have appreciated what I had when it looked great.  So, after class I approached the woman, who is probably a decade younger than I.  I said, “You have such beautiful legs!”  she undramatically responded, “Oh, huh…  Thanks, but they have a lot of scars from sports injuries…”  Was her response humility or her own sense of inferiority?  I suspect the later.  Nonetheless, her response made me sad.

I realize I often am guilty of the same behavior.  When someone compliments me, I quickly find fault with myself and why their perception is incorrect.  We women tend to do this more often than men.  Yes - it’s a stereotype, I own it.  But, have you ever complimented a man and they enthusiastically say “Thanks!”  They don’t give you 20 reasons why your compliment is inaccurate.

What I want to convey is this:  Let’s compliment each-other, sincerely of course, and see another’s inner and outer beauty.  And, the next time someone compliments you, accept it with graciousness and class by responding with a humble, “Thank you.”

 

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Many of us are “pleasers” we never want to hurt anyone’s feelings, or say the forbidden “no” - but this comes at a high emotional price tag - our sanity! Listen on how to gently, but firmly put boundaries in place without feeling guilty - but empowered! You can do it : )

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Email me: Zanny@DearZanny.com. Do you need relationship advice? Call Zanny! Let’s talk!

Blessings to one and all.

love, Zanny